


lover of mine (maybe we'll take some time)

by myouwos



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Reincarnation, Soulmates, and light fluff, chaeyoung is minayeon's daughter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:55:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24945736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myouwos/pseuds/myouwos
Summary: "after the numerous times she's had to watch nayeon go, and waited for her to come back, this shouldn't feel as heartbreaking. but this time, something is different.there's a lot more they both have to worry about than staying alive in order to be by each other's side. because it's not just the two of them anymore, it isn't about the long way two souls have made through time, nor about two echoing in their mind as one.it's about someone nayeon promised she would stay alive for."ora minayeon reincarnation au in which nayeon dies not long after chaeyoung is born, and mina has to take care of their newborn daughter while waiting for her to come back, commissioned by @myouimina!
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Myoui Mina
Comments: 12
Kudos: 187





	lover of mine (maybe we'll take some time)

**Author's Note:**

> this is a reincarnation au which means a character temporarily dies. if that's triggering for you, don't read this fic. 
> 
> thank you so much for commissioning me again, it means a lot! @myouimina<3 
> 
> oh and before you read this, keep in mind that this isn't the usual concept of reincarnation in which you die, and are reborn as a child. it could be confusing otherwise :o
> 
> enjoy!

  
  
  


mina catches her first instant of peace in a taxi, the scenery flashing before her eyes faster than her life did these past few days. 

  
  


forehead resting against the cold window, she watches as a heavy rain blurs the canvas of an intact city, buildings as dark and uninviting as she remembers, smiles as rare as the sun by this time of the year. 

  
  


in each of those pictures lies a memory of nayeon. 

  
  


and that's certainly what allows her to breathe, steam covering the window and hiding the view from her for a short while, until she angles her head to face the horizon properly. it's what allows her to feel light-headed for a short uninterrupted moment, although she knows such peace will not last. because mina might be able to breathe, to feel the saturated air of the car fill her lungs and course through her chest, but soon enough, she will forget how to do so.

  
  


because for the first time in their long, never-ending lives, something is keeping her from feeling optimistic about the future, about nayeon. something forces her breathing to accelerate, chest rising rapidly as an unexpected panic fills all of her senses until it's all she thinks about, all she can feel. and only then does she realize that the rain is light, barely any umbrellas in sight outside. 

  
  


only then does she understand that what is blurring her vision are not the dark clouds looming over the city in a threatening aura, but the tears she refuses to let go of. if anyone was to look her way, they would see emotionless and empty eyes, an image that would not hide any of the pain residing in her mind. 

  
  


the ride is quiet ever since she asked for the radio to be turned off, and yet her headache only gets worse. 

  
  


silence is dangerous, nayeon had once told her. she'd never asked why, never thought much about the reason behind her wife's reflection and especially not why it happened during a hot summer day they spent quietly lounging by a lake not far from their house. the situation had not been suitable for such interrogations, and mina had long ago understood not to question nayeon's words too often. 

  
  


but today, she understands. 

  
  


silence is dangerous, as it works like a mirror you can not look away from. it traps you and your thoughts in an empty, dark room, and forces you to face what you have been desperately trying to avoid. where to hide when the world stops spinning and quiets down, and along with it, your heart stops beating? there's nowhere for her to go, no appearances to keep up, no forced smile to hide behind. 

  
  


nayeon had told her she did not enjoy being alive anymore back then. it was the first time they addressed their immortality in a serious tone, the first time one of them dared to call it a curse. and to have nayeon be the first one to bring it up had not shocked anyone, she has always been the bold, unbothered one of the two. after that, there was no place for gratefulness anymore. oddly enough, they had both begun searching for a way to die, but this time for good. 

  
  


it never worked, but it at least served in proving something. because mina now believes all of this to have been the result of a long, peaceful silence.

  
  


mostly because that's how she feels too, now. cursed. crushed. hopelessly stuck with having to wait for something that might take decades to come. what used to be a blessing, a second chance they'd been granted to live by each other's side until time chose to let them go, is now the reason why she's alone. and loneliness is not a feeling she has learned to deal with correctly, not when she's always known nayeon would find her way to her. 

  
  


that is, until joyful squeals break the quietness that had settled in the taxi, the driver glancing at them with the first honest smile she has seen in days. mina supposes that is the effect a baby has on its surroundings. it chases away silence, and along with it a spreading darkness, and it brings hope, something she could definitely use right now. her hand reaches for the baby's hand and gently holds it, noticing just how small and fragile it looks, wrapped in a comfortable lilac blanket that keeps it from the still harsh cold of winter. 

  
  


"congratulations." the drivers says after a while, watching in the rearview mirror as mina makes sure the baby is comfortable in its basket. "we don't see babies a lot around here anymore. i wish you two the very best." 

  
  


the wrinkles around his eyes are more pronounced when his smile intensifies, and although it isn't something mina believed she could do anymore, she returns his smile without thinking, chaeyoung's eyes slipping shut once again as she goes back to sleep. her tears are now forgotten, and she never realizes one selfishly began its course on her cheek. 

  
  


"thank you. i'm sure the three of us will be very happy." and against all odds, mina truly believes so. even if nayeon is missing, even if her wrist is still empty of any countdown, she believes the day the three of them will replace the two is when they will all be happy.

  
  


and until then, mina will try. 

  
  


for now, she has a daughter to take care of, and a wife to grieve.

  
  


until she comes back, and life can finally follow its expected course again, quite like her tears wish to.

  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  


nayeon died on her way to the hospital as she crossed the road, a bouquet of purple heliotropes in hands. 

  
  


losing her soulmate has always felt different to mina, just like it did to nayeon. it never is the same feeling spreading in her chest, and her sobs have rarely sounded similar. sometimes, they come from a tired exasperation. sometimes, she curses at nayeon for forcing her to wait once again- it seems fate granted them with the most beautiful and precious of curses, but could unfortunately not do much about her wife's misfortune.

  
  


this time, she feels like she's suffocating. there are chains around her neck, and they seem to tighten the longer she keeps her tears from falling. mina is made a prisoner of her own soul, and it will not let her go until its other half is back. 

  
  


the room had spun around her, cries of the newborn girl only adding to the mess of emotions swirling in her mind. she'd never felt such pain before, not even the first time she died and wasn't sure she would never see nayeon again. because losing her now, after the many promises they'd made to each other, feels like the worst kind of betrayal she could ever have to face. perhaps was it her fault, perhaps she should not have believed centuries worth of honored promises. but she had always chosen to trust nayeon, no matter the consequences. 

  
  


the nurses had rushed to take the child from her and tried to find out what was wrong with her, but she didn't dare tell them the love of her life, chaeyoung's other mother, was gone. they wouldn't have understood anyway, no one ever did. not even nayeon. 

  
  


after the numerous times she's had to watch nayeon go, and waited for her to come back, this shouldn't feel as heartbreaking. but this time, something is different. 

  
  


there's a lot more they both have to worry about than staying alive in order to be by each other's side. because it's not just the two of them anymore, it isn't about the long way two souls have made through time, nor about two echoing in their mind as one. 

  
  


it's about someone nayeon promised she would stay alive for. 

  
  


and she had tried, really she did. until a drunk driver ruined her efforts, and along with it the opportunity for nayeon to see her daughter.

  
  


it was not supposed to go like this. nayeon was supposed to be by her side, holding her hand as her body rippled in pain. she should have been there to hear chaeyoung's first cries, and to hold her in her arms. if everything had gone well, nayeon would have cried, and a bright smile of wonder would have brushed away all of the pain to only allow sunlight to pass by the window. 

  
  


and yet, there's not much mina can do about this. all that's left for her now is to wait. to wait for the day nayeon will remember who she is, and a countdown will then appear on her wrist, right where their soulmate mark once was. and then she will wait again, for nayeon to find her way to her, to them, which could very well take months. 

  
  


the first time nayeon died, she came back three days later. the countdown had started a few hours after she'd been attacked by a group of thieves, certainly because she had remembered mina as soon as she came back to life. she woke up on a pile of hay, the only difference in her appearance being her outfit, in a farm she could swear she had already seen before, and as soon as she walked out to see a wide field of flowers, everything had rushed back to her mind.

  
  


finding her way to mina had been easy then, the town she found herself in one she knew for it was close to the one she had grown up in.

  
  


it was still the beginning, nothing really made sense- well, nothing really ever did- and none of them had realized just how cruel time would become.

  
  


mina died for the first time five years after that, but when neither of them grew older than they were since the first time it happened, they began to understand time had stilled for them. two soulmates, the purest and most selfless form of love, granted a single wish mina had made- to get to experience everything life has to offer with nayeon by her side before time would take them into its cruel grasp again. 

  
  


today, if someone was to ask her if she would make that wish again, mina would think back to nayeon traveling the world in a desperate attempt to find a way to end the torturous time loop they have both been stuck in. but she would also remember how happy nayeon was when she came back to their home, somewhere lost in seoul, and her answer would be yes, a hundred times yes. 

  
  


to be with nayeon, she had to give up on death. a small price to pay, some would be tempted to believe. but when life begins to lose its meaning, death suddenly becomes the light at the end of the tunnel. not one that would lead to heavens, or to anywhere the afterlife might decide to take them. no, when they imagine the light, they see it as a blinding and consuming end. hand in hand, one last granted wish. 

  
  


but today, mina has to wait, because it's all time will grant her. 

  
  


the more nayeon died, the longer it took for her to come back. and the possibility of it taking a decade does not escape her mind. 

  
  


"if you need anything… i don't know much about babies, but sana could always come over to help you with chaeyoung." jihyo watches as mina hurries from one side of the room to another, searching for the bunny plushie nayeon had bought for chaeyoung a few months ago, which she learned through hard tears and loud cries, their daughter can not live without. "that way she might even stop bothering me about having one."

  
  


mina scoffs, brushing damaged blonde hair away from her face as she kneels down to search for the small bunny, successfully finding it under the couch as expected. 

  
  


"knowing sana, this would only make her want a child of her own more. i bet she wouldn't even mind being woken up at 3 am each morning." 

  
  


chaeyoung starts crying again then, and she sighs, exasperation clear on her features. she loves her daughter, truly loves her, but this, this is getting too much. between the inability to catch more than a few hours of sleep every day and the loud deafening cries echoing in her ears in a tormenting melody that brings her, gradually, slowly, to what she fears to be the end, being a mother is not exactly what she'd imagined. certainly because her dreams used to include nayeon, but she's nothing but a memory she keeps close to her heart when it gets too much now. 

  
  


the end of what, mina isn't sure yet. but she knows she is getting close to it, and the day will come when doing something as simple and yet demanding as smiling to her crying daughter will become an arduous, impossible task. 

  
  


luckily for her, this day has not come yet. certainly because jihyo seems to sense this as well, and worry is easy to read in her eyes. before mina knows what's happening, the bunny slips out of her hand and her friend is taking care of calming the baby down. it works, and when jihyo is back by her side, mina is the one crying although she does it silently. 

  
  


eyes absentmindedly focused on the ceiling, a single tear she could only suppress for so long cascades down her cheek, and she can breathe again, the chains let loose for a short instant. it says more than words ever could, and jihyo sits down on the floor next to her, bringing mina closer until her head falls on her shoulder.

  
  


the more she died, the longer it took. 

  
  


and mina knows. she knows she will not be seeing nayeon for the next four years. 

  
  


jihyo knows too, so she lets mina cry for as long as she has to, and promises not to leave. because that's all she needs right now, all that can help her, to know that nayeon is gone but loneliness will not take over. if jihyo stays because she wants to or because she, contrary to nayeon, will never be granted a second chance or an eighteenth one, she does not know. 

  
  


but it's enough. for now, it's enough.

  
  


(chaeyoung celebrates her first month with mina offering her a giant teddy bear nayeon got for her. 

  
  


she had scolded her wife back then, when she came home with the plushie in her arms, big enough for it to almost entirely cover her. but nayeon had only slipped her head under its arm in order to see mina, and her signature pout had replaced a previously proud smile. so mina had rolled her eyes, and joined in on her laughter when nayeon threw the teddy bear at her, briefly commenting about its softness as nayeon high-fived herself in celebration.

  
  


she makes sure to tell her nayeon got it for her although she's not sure their daughter understands she has another mother yet. but when chaeyoung babbles happily, showing a toothless smile as she playfully hits the plushie, mina believes she does.

  
  


sana and jihyo are there too, for her first month, for her first birthday, and for the ones that follow. 

  
  


it's enough. 

  
  


until it's not, and mina realizes no one will ever replace nayeon in her heart and her mind. 

  
  


she needs her back, but time has always loved playing tricks of its own on them.)

  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  


for a reason that seems to escape her mind, nayeon buys a bouquet of heliotrope every day. 

  
  


there's this small flower shop not far from where she lives, and she passes by there each morning on her way to the office. at first, she used to ignore it, and simply listened to what her mind told her- work, and come back home when the sun sets. but it caught her eye one morning, and she had the urge to stop in front of the shop to admire the flowers decorating it.

  
  


her fingers had tingled then, and she had reached for a red tulip, taking in a flower she knew meant something important to her, but that she could not remember, no matter how hard she tried.

  
  


stepping into it had been an entirely new experience, nostalgia spreading in her chest as soon as a delicate mix of scent reached her nose. she had walked to work with a small bouquet of the purple flowers, and put it in a vase right next to her laptop. 

  
  


every day, she bought new ones. sometimes to bring them back home, sometimes to admire them during a long day of work, a strange comforting warmth coming from them, sometimes to offer them to the first person she encountered. 

  
  


as if searching for someone, the right person, who would not only accept the gift with a pure and honest smile, but who would also understand what she has herself been desperate trying to figure out. 

  
  


nayeon does not know who she is. she's oblivious to her past, and simply lives the new life she was granted, a new identity, made just for her. her soul is trapped in her own body, and watches as she remains unaware of who she once was, of who she once had. 

  
  


but all she knows is that the red tulip sure seems to mean a lot more than she can imagine. 

  
  
  


\-----

  
  


mina tells chaeyoung a lot about nayeon.

  
  


she's far too young to understand anything, but deep down, she believes it's the only way to pretend that nayeon is here, with them.

  
  


and it's hard not to, when chaeyoung reminds her of nayeon so much. 

  
  


"not a big fan of carrots?" she says, bringing the spoon to her mouth again which she tries to move away from. "i know someone who would be very disappointed to hear that." 

  
  


and when chaeyoung finally seems to agree with being fed mashed carrots, hitting the table in order to catch mina's attention, it feels as if she understood each of her words. as if she does it to please the idea of a woman who is not yet real for her, a woman she is too young to think of. 

  
  


"mommy would be proud." her smile is genuine then, burning tears pooling in her eyes but refusing to escape, and she knows she's right. nayeon would be proud, so proud to have a daughter like chaeyoung, to see her adventurously discover the world on her own or by her side. 

  
  


nayeon had been the first one to bring up children, after all. years ago, as they both watched a few kids play in a park, she voiced a wish she had kept a secret for long. mina had laughed then, because there was no way for it to happen. not with the lives they had both led, not with the risk of their child not being immortal.

  
  


but the idea had never really left either of their minds. 

  
  


"mommy!" 

  
  


"yes, mommy." mina chuckles, glad to see chaeyoung has a new favorite word, and the best one she could have chosen at that. "i can't wait for you to meet her." 

  
  


mina tells chaeyoung a lot about nayeon, about the small and singular details that made her who she is- the love she has always had for gardening, something she's not entirely proud of, her attempts at being a professional photographer in past lives- which had always ended the second she found out she couldn't only take plictures mina, her laugh, loud, free, and unique. 

  
  


chaeyoung giggles when mina imitates a plane as she brings the spoon to her mouth again, and memories of nayeon have never been harder for her to ignore. this is something she should have been doing, something she would have loved every step of the way. 

  
  


nayeon was supposed to take care of everything. 

  
  


from the moment the first contractions would start to their arrival at home, to the many months that would follow. and this, this is what scares mina at first. she felt like by leaving, nayeon had unconsciously pushed her over the edge and hoped for her to learn how to fly before she touched the ground. a year later, she's not sure she is anywhere as good of a mother as nayeon would have been.

  
  


she had taken days off in order to take care of chaeyoung- a name she had herself chosen for their daughter- and never shut up about how this would be the best day of her life. and what a life she'd had. 

  
  


but fate, it had never worked in their favor. all it did was bring them to each other, and allow time to catch them in a never-ending torturous loop. 

  
  


"if you need some more pictures of nayeon, i'm sure sana has a ton of them saved in her laptop and the many albums we have at home." 

  
  


mina nods, a sign that she acknowledges jihyo's idea. today is her first time going out without chaeyoung, but she's not worried, not when sana is the one taking care of her. she might be known for her occasional clumsiness, but the fact that she never takes her eyes away from her niece is telling of how careful she is when it comes to the one-year-old child. 

  
  


"i still have a lot to show to chaeng before that, but i'll think about it." 

  
  


ever since chaeyoung was born, mina has made it a necessity to show her a picture of nayeon every day. even when she was too young to even look at it, even when she tried to bring one of the polaroids to her mouth, intrigued by the new object. even when she barely glanced at it before going back to playing with the mashed potatoes she had prepared for her, mina never gave up. 

  
  


because after she finally managed to properly register nayeon's death, a hard enough obstacle at the time although temporary, came the question of chaeyoung growing up without one of her mothers. and this is not something she could allow, not when she trusts nayeon to be back someday, and to love their daughter as if she had been there from the first day.

  
  


showing her pictures of nayeon is the best idea she'd gotten, that and wearing some of her clothes when chaeyoung nurses, the best way to get her used to her scent although it has sometimes faded away with time. 

  
  


"good. i'm sure it will help for when she's older." jihyo looks away from mina then, the sorrow she finds in her eyes sometimes getting overwhelming. she has long ago promised to always be by her side when needed, in another life, one that resembled her current one in no way. and although she has never been able to remember any of it, the need to protect mina she always gets is enough for her to believe her best friend's words. 

  
  


silence follows her words, and it never is a good sign. especially not when it is accompanied by mina losing herself in what-ifs and thoughts of the future. when jihyo looks back up from the now cold coffee she ordered, unshed tears are shining in mina's eyes, and she sometimes hates how well she knows her.

  
  


"i- is something wrong?" by reflex, jihyo reaches for mina's hands over the small table separating them, holding onto them tightly. it's all she can do in those moments as she waits for mina to talk if she ever chooses to. 

  
  


"the woman i love left me, jihyo. of course something is wrong." 

  
  


mina's hands start trembling, and she looks by the window when the tears escape her eyes, refusing to have to face her best friend at this moment. certainly because she knows she's being unfair, nayeon did not leave her by choice, after all. nothing was supposed to go like this, they had plans, and nayeon had wanted to honor them. but in mina's mind, nayeon had promised to be there, and she had failed.

  
  


"mina-"

  
  


"don't." her eyelids fall shut, because sometimes darkness is easier to face than the harsh reality of life, and the trembling of her hand only intensify as an uncontrollable rage spreads in her chest. "i know. i know i'm being unreasonable, but i need this. i need to be angry at her, for once in my life. this is all i'm asking for." 

  
  


so jihyo lets her, because she understands how betrayed mina feels, and it being fair or not does not matter here. 

  
  


"you know that if she could, nayeon would be here with you, right?" she tentatively says, biting her lip when she doesn't get any reaction in return. "wherever she is, she's probably suffering a lot more right now."

  
  


mina chuckles bitterly, and sighs, holding jihyo's stare intensely. "and what makes you think that? i mean, she could very well be living her best life right now, unaware of what she's missing out on, of who she's selfishly left behind. the last time she died, she was born as a rich heiress who didn't even have to work to survive. i can very well imagine that being the case today, might be why she doesn't bother with remembering me." 

  
  


"i think we both know that's not true, mina."

  
  


her features soften, rage almost dying down certainly because she knows jihyo is right. who will be hurting more, in the end? is it her, who has to take care of an adventurous little girl she loves above everything, whose only hardship is to wait for someone she knows will come back? or is it nayeon, who, when her memory will finally be triggered into remembering who she has always been, will realize she has missed out on their daughter's first years? 

  
  


anger wishes she would choose the first option, but she knows her wife too well not to imagine how devastated she will be.

  
  


"i don't expect you to understand what it feels like anyway." 

  
  


"if someone knows what it feels like to lose their loved ones for good here, mina, it's me." jihyo seems to regret her words right after she says them, mina glaring at her before her eyes flutter close once again. but she knows this is true, and now is not the time to cower in fear and guilt. "for the first time in who knows how long, you actually are experiencing what it feels like, to truly lose her. and i'm not saying it's good, i'm not saying that means you should cheer up and forget about her until she's back. but please, don't ever tell me i don't understand. because i think you're the one who doesn't."

  
  


her glare softens, and mina nods, guilt invading her mind and almost replacing the uncontrollable anger. 

  
  


"it is important for you to grieve nayeon. even if you know she's not really gone, this is something you need to go through. and being angry comes with it, so i won't blame you for your words. but, please, direct your rage somewhere else."

  
  


grief is, after all, not a feeling she is familiar with. nayeon experienced it once, until she saw mina again and they both understood that something about them was special, unique. ever since then, death has only been about waiting for the next day, month, or year. and it would be lying to say neither of them ever felt sad watching the other go, no, an unfathomable and numbing pain is to be expected following death. but mourning, mourning is not something mina is familiar with. 

  
  


she'd mourned when her parents died, and helped nayeon when hers followed. but even that did not hurt as much as the second she understood nayeon was gone and would not be coming back in time. 

  
  


jihyo on the other hand, has never had the safety immortality granted to their love. and mina might be angry, but she is not selfish. 

  
  


they both stay in silence again, the foreground of mina's life this time made of cold coffees with a cinnamon taste, of her best friend, who nayeon had always described as warm orange geraniums, a constant support to her, the true friendship she had been graced with and should learn to never let go of. the background is calm, muffled voices of those who, like them, came to this café in order to discuss the harshness of life, or the happiness of a newly acquired peace. 

  
  


and between all of this is nayeon, the ghost of who she used to be, following her wherever she goes. 

  
  


even through death, nayeon is standing there, a transparent shadow she can not ignore. for the sole reason she does not want to, not even through her newfound rage. 

  
  


"i don't want to wait anymore. and," she pauses, as if scared to admit something she'd spent weeks thinking about. "i think of giving up quite often actually." mina sighs, blinking absentmindedly as she takes one last sip of her coffee, swallowing it bitterly. "doesn't that make me a bad mother? to think of myself before my own daughter."

  
  


and unexpectedly, jihyo laughs. not a full-blown laugh, no, one of disbelief that would feel almost mocking if it wasn't coming from her. she laughs, and her hold on mina's hand tightens comfortingly.

  
  


"do you even hear yourself?" she scoffs, pausing when a waiter stops at their table to pick up the now empty cups of coffee. "wanting to leave and doing it are two very different things. and if i'm sure of one thing, it's that you'll always choose chaeyoung over yourself, in the end." 

  
  


(jihyo is right. 

  
  


mina has yet to have ever chosen herself. oddly enough, it makes her feel better about herself, to know she's not a complete failure. 

  
  


although it does not keep her from wondering about nayeon. she might be doing relatively well, but her wife would have been an excellent mother. she would have taught chaeyoung to walk long before mina did, she wouldn't have felt bored when telling their daughter the same superhero story for the thirtieth time. she would have laughed when chaeyoung ran into the vase she bought in italy, fifty years ago, and she would have happily picked up the pieces instead of crying while thinking of wasted memories. 

  
  


nayeon would have been the happiest mother a child ever had the chance of having. and it only makes mina angrier. 

  
  


"you're coping with losing nayeon while raising an amazing and fascinating little girl, mina. and trust me when i say you're doing a great job at it."

  
  


it takes some time, but when chaeyoung reaches her second birthday and runs in her arms with the brightest smile she has ever seen- something she got from her mother, probably- mina finally starts to believe it.)

  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  


mina starts filming each and every moment of her and chaeyoung's lives. 

  
  


it's not something she thought of at first, certainly because her mind was too busy thinking of empty what-ifs and wishing for nayeon to come back, meanwhile her heart was too distracted by her own tears and the need to pity herself to guide her towards thinking clearly. but her talk with jihyo put things into perspective for her, and she realized she needed to let go of her anger and sorrow in order to be better, not only for nayeon but for their daughter as well. 

  
  


it's a good thing chaeyoung loves being filmed- there actually are so many similarities between her and nayeon that mina is starting to wonder who had to bear her for nine months. and she's even more ecstatic about it when she tells her this is all for nayeon.

  
  


there are even times when mina searches for the camera everywhere in the house only to find it in chaeyoung's hands as she eagerly plays with the small car toys she got for christmas, talking to herself- and certainly to her other mother- about which one she prefers, inventing stories only a child could come up with. 

  
  


in those moments, mina simply stands behind the door of her bedroom and watches from afar, a heartwarming smile on her lips, as chaeyoung imitates the noises the motor of a car makes, throwing them from one side of the room to the other. 

  
  


she thinks of nayeon, but for the first time in two years, no tears come. 

  
  


certainly because she can imagine how happy she will be, when she comes back and sees how amazing their daughter has grown to become. how proud she will be, when she sees the messy drawings decorating all of the walls of her bedroom. how loving she will be, towards the child she did not yet know, but that she would treat as if she had been here from day one. 

  
  


"mommy likes flowers?" chaeyoung asks her one evening, not long before her third birthday. and she's surprised by the question at first, pausing in her cleaning of the table her daughter had accidentally messed up. until she thinks back to the time she showed chaeyoung pictures nayeon had herself taken, in which she featured for the most part although flowers had been the main elements. 

  
  


"yes, mommy loves them. especially the roses in our garden, she spent hours admiring them every day."

  
  


"roses?" 

  
  


the discussion had ended there, chaeyoung running off to her bedroom before mina could tell her more. but when she went upstairs to check if the three-year-old was ready for bed, she found a previously blank white wall now full of different bright colors that came together to form wide, messily drawn flowers. 

  
  


light pink roses in what seemed to be a field of white clovers, a replica of the part of their garden nayeon had fallen for. 

  
  


mina cried then, silent tears she barely registered were cascading down her cheeks, and chaeyoung rushed into her arms for a comforting hug. her small hands had softly brushed away her tears, leaving traces of pink on her cheeks behind their wake, and mina never scolded her for ruining a wall nayeon had herself painted in white. certainly because she knew nayeon would love this sight a lot more.

  
  


she filmed chaeyoung signing her work, a small purple heart drawn at the bottom, and still today, she believes this is the happiest memory nayeon will get to experience with them, as if she had been there all along.

  
  


(chaeyoung starts asking about her mother a lot around her third birthday, and it unexpectedly only helps mina with dealing with her death a lot. 

  
  


she talks about nayeon for long minutes that sometimes become hours, and chaeyoung is more than happy to hear about each of the small details she has written down in a corner of her mind. it feels like getting rid of a barrier she had not realized she'd put around the memories she had of nayeon, and telling their daughter all about them changed a lot.

  
  


something in their lives shifted, and suddenly, chaeyoung missed a woman she had never known. 

  
  


her excitement over meeting nayeon only increased every day, and she became all she wanted to talk about, all she wanted to think of. 

  
  


and mina can't blame her, really, because even without being there by their side, nayeon is an amazing mother. something chaeyoung has understood, something that sometimes makes it harder to live without her. but in the end, it's something that makes their daughter think of nayeon as someone she loves, and her absence does not mean much anymore.) 

  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  


"is mommy coming back from the clouds?" 

  
  


startled by her daughter's voice, mina wakes in a light gasp, disoriented for a short instant. a sigh of relief escapes her lips when she sees chaeyoung laying in bed by her side, the right part of the bed one she has long ago claimed as hers. the bunny plushie she hasn't let go of pretty much since her birth is still there, in her hand. seeing it used to result in a muffled pain spreading in her chest, replacing the joy chaeyoung usually brought to her, but today, a lot has changed. 

  
  


mina allows herself to cry and feel, and to give up when it gets too complicated, when her heartbeat slows down, a reflection of how time feels when waiting for her other half. the hardest part was accepting that anything can bring her back to the starting point, brushing away all of the progress she's made almost too easily. 

  
  


a pink bunny plushie, her name, the diamond shining around her finger being reflected in a glass. the laugh of her daughter, just as loud and liberating as nayeon's. anything, everything is connected to nayeon one way or another- and she is definitely the best at finding all of them. 

  
  


a quick glance by the window tells her the sun is already high in the sky, and she's glad this is a saturday, not sure she would have had the strength to work otherwise. chaeyoung is still staring at her with wide, excited eyes, and rushes into her arms as soon as she opens them.

  
  


"what do you mean, sweetheart?" mina smiles when chaeyoung settles over her stomach, the sheets bunched at their feet in a mess she knows she'll have to clean up later today. "have i not said i would tell you when i know she's going to come back?"

  
  


"you did." chaeyoung nods, sleepy eyes still looking at her arm. "but if mommy isn't coming back, why is this here?" she asks, pointing at her wrist. 

  
  


blinking confusedly, mina's hand pauses on chaeyoung's head, hair entangled in her fingers. and even then, even when her mind only was confusion and interrogations, she knew, deep down. if it was because her skin tingled with the feeling one gets when they reach the top of the world's highest mountain, or the fact that for the first time in four years she woke up with a smile on her face, mina isn't sure. 

  
  


but she knew. 

  
  


she doesn't look away from chaeyoung as she lifts her wrist, because she wants to see it in her daughter's eyes- the truth shines so much brighter there. 

  
  


the four-year-old reaches for her wrist, and innocently traces what is written there with her thumb. it reads three, mina now knows, and controlling her tears is impossible now. it's a good thing no one, not even chaeyoung, is expecting her to do so. 

  
  


as if sensing that her mother needs comfort, and certainly because she understands what this means now, chaeyoung wraps her arms around her neck and brings her in a strong, well-needed hug. mina's arms naturally encircle her waist as she returns it, and she only cries harder on her daughter's shoulder, not minding the now soaked material of her spiderman red pajamas. 

  
  


three days. 

  
  


three days until she sees nayeon again, in a place that is not her happiest dreams or her worst nightmares. 

  
  


three days until chaeyoung meets her mother for the first time. four years spent waiting for these last three days, four years that could have been a lot more. 

  
  


but fate, it seems, had decided to intervene this time. 

  
  


"yeah, mommy is coming back from the clouds, baby." 

  
  


her sobs are mix of tears and laughter, and mina believes she has never been happier. pale pink yarrows bloom in her heart, and she knows she's not the only one feeling this way. 

  
  


somewhere out there, nayeon is crying too. 

  
  


and to know they are finally sharing something, may it be pain, tears or happiness, is what brings an end to mina's torture. 

  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  


something mina had definitely not expected happens on the morning of the third day: chaeyoung is nervous.

  
  


she refuses to eat breakfast- until her mother asks if she wants to bake nayeon's favorite, crepes, before bringing her to daycare. and when they finally sit down to eat, she forbids mina from taking a second one, insisting on it being for her other mother and only her. not one to get offended by such behavior, she only laughs, putting it back in the plate as chaeyoung watches with angry eyes. 

  
  


when the time comes to get her dressed, she runs around the house until she lands in nayeon's part of their closet, and mina only finds her minutes later, a shirt three times her size on. 

  
  


"mommy will like it if i wear her shirt. you said she always wore yours." 

  
  


and resisting her pout is hard, something she once again chooses to blame on nayeon, but she manages to get her to take off the simple black shirt, and promises to buy her a matching one soon. 

  
  


but this, this is nothing. 

  
  


she only starts worrying when chaeyoung stands in front of the front door but refuses to pass it, a frozen statue trembling from a nonexistent cold. her hold on mina's hand is tight enough to hurt, but she ignores the pain to kneel down in front of her. 

  
  


"hey, what's wrong?" she asks, squeezing her palm reassuringly. "there's nothing to be nervous about, sweetie." 

  
  


chaeyoung nods, certainly trying to drop the subject, but her eyes say more than words ever could. she can only return the hug her mother brings her in, warmth suddenly replacing the fear. 

  
  


"will mommy like me?" 

  
  


and mina only scoffs, tightening the hug when she feels a fresh tear landing on her neck. her eyelids fall shut, and she takes a deep, freeing gulp of air, a light breeze flying around them from the opened front door. 

  
  


"she's going to love you more than anyone ever will. and," mina sighs, slightly pulling back in order to face her. "you might just love her more than me. i'll be so jealous." 

  
  


her exaggerated pout makes chaeyoung laugh, and before she knows it, the little girl is back in her arms, whispering a small 'love you more' in her ear. 

  
  


the zero on her wrist burns, and she as well as chaeyoung knows it's time. 

  
  
  


\----

  
  
  


nayeon catches her first instant of peace in a train, the scenery she is familiar with finally flashing before her eyes faster than her life did these past few years. 

  
  


forehead resting against the burning window, she watches as a bright sun blurs the canvas of an intact city, buildings as pastel and welcoming as she remembers, smiles as rare as the rain by this time of the year. 

  
  


in each of those pictures lies a memory of mina. 

  
  


for the first time in four years, nayeon feels like she is finally allowed to breathe properly, the barriers of a prison her mind had kept her in disappearing the closer she gets to mina. there's always been something liberating about remembering her soulmate, as if her life had been on pause all this time and finally resumed its normal course. she believes it feels like being lost in a mass of thick blinding clouds, to live without mina. and then something, anything, reminds her of who she once was, and of who she left behind.

  
  


the sun rises then, chasing away cotton clouds, until all nayeon can see if, all she can feel is mina. but this time, her soulmate is not who she first remembered.

  
  


the cries of a newborn blasting in her ears during a short trip to the hospital were enough to bring her back down to earth this time. she had paused in the waiting room, standing frozen as a mother passed by her with a crying baby in her arms. everyone had stared at her confusedly, but the world she was in did not matter to her anymore. the one she now wanted was on the other side of the country, and she had three days to get back there.

  
  


the zero burns on her wrist, a flame dancing along her skin in sync with her rapid heartbeat. the train comes to a stop a few minutes later, and she takes a deep, shaky breath when she realizes the time has come for her to back. 

  
  


she jumps in the first taxi she sees, her suitcase light as she left most of her belongings behind with the person she used to be, but who will no longer matter. the driver turns off the radio during the ride, and a peaceful silence engulfs her for the first time in years. but this time, death is the furthest thing from her mind. her daughter changed this, even if she has yet to have seen her. nayeon has never, in the centuries she has been alive, wished to stay alive more than she does now. 

  
  


"have you been away from home for long?" the man asks, glancing in the rearview mirror. nayeon looks away from the city she has always known and has seen grow every step of the way, to return his polite smile. 

  
  


"you could say that, yes." she chuckles, caressing her wrist absentmindedly, scared to look down and see it empty of anything. 

  
  


"business trip?" 

  
  


"no," nayeon shakes her head, her smile becoming almost bitter as she goes back to admiring the landscapes. "i'd say it was more of a trip down memory lane." 

  
  
  


\-----

  
  


when the time to go pick up chaeyoung from daycare comes and mina still hasn't had a sign of nayeon, she begins to worry. it's hard not to when the night is close to falling, and only a few hours are left until the zero disappears and leaves its place for something else. 

  
  


but when she arrives to find that her daughter is not waiting for her in the playground, one of the teachers staring at her confusedly, her fear is immediately chased away.

  
  


"someone already passed by to pick up chaeyoung, was that not planned?" the teacher begins to worry, and mina would too if she had not figured everything out already. "you put her on the list of her legal guardians awhile ago, we didn't know-"

  
  


"no, it's alright. everything is fine, miss chou." and the tears shining in her eyes only confuse the woman more, a comforting hand settling on her arm, but mina is quick to blink them away. "i have to go. t-thank you, for everything you did for chaeyoung." 

  
  


she's tempted to miss a few red lights on her way home, but now is not the time to die. so mina drives slower than she ever has, and makes sure that two will become three, finally. 

  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  


nayeon is exactly where she expected her to be, a sign that not even time and separation will ever change her.

  
  


their garden is wide and blooming by this time of the year, and she's glad she forgot to lock the entrance gate this morning. loud unfiltered laughter reaches her ears as soon as she slips out of her car, and the tears are back before she can try to suppress them, pooling in her eyes as she pauses in front of the gate, taking a deep breath of relief. 

  
  


she does not have to wait anymore, because fate was stronger than time for once. 

  
  


slowly, she walks to the back of the house, the laughter only getting more intense with every step. her mind is empty of any thoughts, because she doesn't need to think anymore, doesn't need to wonder about nayeon when she's right there, close enough for her to reach and touch and feel. her eyelids fall shut one last time, and she takes the last step, the one allowing her to see nayeon, right there in front of her eyes.

  
  


they're both sitting on the same bench chaeyoung first used to learn how to walk, under the same tree nayeon proposed to her seven years ago, next to the same flowers mina used to admire whenever thoughts of nayeon became too overwhelming. 

  
  


love at first sight has never been a single time occurence for the both of them. no, it is something they experience every time they come back as one, and share one, singularly hopeful look. 

  
  


"never do this again." 

mina is the first one to speak, breaking a heavy silence of patience, and when her voice breaks, she bites down on her lip, and waits. 

  
  


"i got you red tulips." she says, standing up with chaeyoung in her arms and a small but nonetheless gracious bouquet in hand. "your favorites." 

  
  


and it's enough of a proof that her wife is back. enough to make her cry, liberating sobs coursing through her body as she hides her face in her hands. and before she knows it, an arm wraps around her waist and brings her in a familiar and comforting warmth. 

  
  


chaeyoung kisses her cheek, and everything is finally as it should be, happiness blooming in her heart, her soul whole, the feeling only intensifying when nayeon's lips softly fall over hers. 

  
  


this time forever.

  
  


(they spend the evening showing nayeon everything she's missed out on, and drying her tears when they become too hard to ignore.

  
  


and when chaeyoung asks if she can sleep in their bed on that night, they're both more than happy to agree. it's then, hands locked over chaeyoung's sleeping body, eyes refusing to look away from each other, that their skin tingles again.

  
  


staring at their wrist in silence for long seconds, a certain peacefulness neither of them remembered to have ever experienced washes over them both. 

  
  


"so, which one is it this time?" 

  
  


nayeon seems lost in thoughts for a short moment, letting go of mina's hand to trace the lines of the tattoo that appeared on her wrist, the same one gracing hers. 

  
  


"myosotis." 

  
  


she nods, watching nayeon's soft features, taking in this moment as if it is the last one they'll ever get to share. 

  
  


"a forget-me-not, symbolizes true love memories, and a promise to never forget." 

  
  


when mina falls asleep that on night, she dreams. 

  
  


nayeon is there, as always, and chaeyoung is in her arms, an image she truly will never forget. she's walking in a field of the same flower that is now tattooed on their wrist until time decides to separate them again, but this time, the sun is replaced by a glowing light. 

  
  


she does not yet know what it means, but something tells her the day will come for her to understand. now is not the time, and when chaeyoung runs into her arms, she believes time should not be taking her attention anymore. not when everything she and nayeon have ever asked for is right there. 

  
  


the finality of centuries of lifetimes.)

  
  
  


\-----

  
  
  


when her wall is full of colors, the white nayeon could remember now entirely covered by markers and pencils, she buys chaeyoung a canvas, and spends hours sitting next to her in the grass, watching as she paints the lake next to their house. memories of centuries of a shared love and passion reside in the same water chaeyoung is trying to replicate on a blank canvas, and nayeon is proud to be making new ones, with someone else, someone they both love and adore above anything.

  
  


when there are no doubts in her eyes anymore, when there is no fear and nervousness in her interactions with nayeon, chaeyoung tells her she loves her, quietly, with her heart opened for her mother to see she finally truly resides in it. nayeon told her she loved her the second she saw her, happy tears flowing down her cheeks as she met the daughter she had always dreamed of having.

  
  


when time continues its expected course and fate grants them with one last, meaningful wish, nayeon and mina finally learn how precious life is. 

  
  


two soulmates, the purest and most selfless form of love, granted a second wish mina had once made- to be let go by time when everything finally is as it should be, when nothing is left for them to experience. and today, as the proofs of a flowing time begin to appear around their eyes, mina believes this is what the end means, after all. 

  
  


both of them know this is the last time, the last life they will see each other in. but there is no place for fear then, no place for regret. 

  
  


it took some time for her first wish to come true, and it will now take joyful and loving decades for the second one to follow. chaeyoung makes being alive worth it, and sometimes, she makes it hard for either of them to consider what it means, to be mortal. but it never takes away the happiness of a life they get to truly share, all growing and learning to become better at the same pace. to make sure that when the end comes, chaeyoung will continue to write their stories along with her own. 

  
  


and the end, the end is the blinding light waiting for them when the time comes, and no matter what it reserves for them, they will be going there together, hand in hand.

  
  


and forget-me-nots will be blooming in their hearts.

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
